Saturday, 31 December 2011

Happy New Year!

I took great pleasure last night in giving 2011 the big finger send off... I am looking forward to a relatively stress-free year with excellent health, minimal hospital visits and not too much vomit (from treatment of course!).

Coupled with making the most of family time, taking heaps of photos and enjoying the good days, I want to get camping and see more of this beautiful country we are blessed to be living in.

New years for us was a pretty quiet affair, we had the use of a cute little batch (and again tonight) which provided a change of scenery from the tent at Mum and Dad's place for 3 boys with cabin fever from all this rain.

My mindset and energy have dramatically improved from my last blog, thank goodness. I'd had enough and was feeling pretty low, but I want to thank my friends for their messages of support - you know who you are and big loves to you :o)

The 9th of January will be upon me soon enough, and I'm not looking forward to it one little bit... I guess in the grand scheme of things a week or so out of every month is a mere blip compared to others who perhaps feel crook all the time.   Every day is a day closer to 'S-day'  the day they are ready to scan me - end of Feb, early March perhaps.  This will bring about a whole new set of feelings, emotions and stresses, but only until I get the results that show that there's nothing to worry about.

In other exciting news, the hair that fell victim to my radiotherapy treatment is growing back... mostly.  I'm potentially in for a permanently higher forehead than I began with, but through the top of my head and my 'monk' bald patch at the back is itchy as buggery and I'm being told it looks like chicken skin... spunky I know but is the hair waiting to come through. Yay for me!

Take care, stay warm and dry and enjoy the first few days of our new year xx

Thursday, 29 December 2011

I'm tired.

In fact I'm even tired of being tired.

An unforgiving tiredness has swept over me this last week... I've known nothing like it to possess my body before, and it's making me dread the next few months treatment.

Today is Tim's oldest boy, Izaac's 11th birthday.  They've all gone into town to the skating rink as promised for a birthday treat... I couldn't even entertain the thought of doing something quite so energetic which is depressing beyond belief.

I've been told to expect it, but when it comes with a price tag of not joining in on fun stuff with the family, (and we all know I hate missing out on that stuff) you can freaken keep it.

So folks, not such a great day today - lots of things running through my head and not all of it is wonderful if I'm honest.

I'm trying not to give these thoughts too much air time in my already busy life, so I'll leave it there and endeavour to be back with you in a new frame of mind in a couple of days.

Christmas was lovely, the first year out of the many so far that we didn't have to travel.  The weather was hot, the food delicious and the company was superior (and the afternoon nap necessary!).  We had a lovely but unsuccessful long-line fish in the evening, with a bonfire on the beach - kiwi Christmas personified.

The rain today has kept us from the beach, but I am grateful that it has dropped the air temperature somewhat - I was getting a little over the heat... good old human nature - I'm sure we complain no matter what!

Enjoy new years, we've got a beach one planned - hope it's not too wet

Ka Kite xx  

Sunday, 11 December 2011

It's been fun.

Fun to pretend that all is well, and that I don't have this dreaded nastiness hanging over my head (no pun intended).

The break from treatment is over, tonight I begin phase two... a double dose of my chemotherapy pills for 5 days(of which the total cost of the drug is $2520... $168 per pill - thank goodness for subsidies!) per month.  I have been told to expect more nausea and tiredness than last time - but hopefully only for the duration of the drug-taking - maybe a couple of days after.

I got growled at today by my Oncologist... I knew I would.  Last week we had a wonderful send off into the big wide world having finished our three year stint of teacher training, we had a stay-over organised solely by our class, on a Marae in Dannevirke.  It was a fantastic one night, two days of togetherness and a lovely way to finish (not quite, but more on that in a minute).  Unfortunately for me, I burnt my arm quite badly on the Tuesday evening whilst helping to prepare dinner... by Saturday night just gone there was an infection spreading out over my arm so we hot-footed it to A&E for antibiotics... hence the growling (with a smile on his face, so not soo serious)!  He told me I mustn't do 'stupid things' due to the impending immunity-bashing I was about to undertake.  So sorry for accidentally burning myself Dr, how stupid of me...

On the bright side, my burn is looking much better, and the Dr decided not to postpone the treatment (which I had been worried about), on the understanding that if it gets worse when I begin treatment then I need to get back to him ASAP.

I am nervous about this week, another unknown.  I know I was absolutely fine last time with the single dose, but I can't help but approach tonights first dose with some trepidation.

This break has been wonderful, my energy has mostly returned, I've been back to work, back to school, back to exercise and feeling really well.  We've got some work done around the house ready for code of compliance and final sign of due in March, and the garden is coming along beautifully with a handful of strawberries and a few snow peas a day to quench my appetite for fresh produce!

My school has wound up for the Diploma girls, I'm so proud of them all for sticking through it and getting along with each other for the whole 3 years - I have two more assignments to go but will get them done, and I WILL graduate with my girls in Jan/Feb next year.  I am grateful for their support and kindness through what has been a rocky few months, goes to show what an amazing class I was lucky enough to be a part of.  We begin the 10 month degree upgrade in February, and I'll be ready to roll for sure.

As far as 'me' is concerned, I have good days and bad days but don't rely on the 'calm-me-down' pills as I used to... I get anxious about my fate, and am uneasy talking about the future as I really don't know what it will bring for me, or how much it will allow me to have.  I remain thankful for the optimism and positive spirits of those around me, but at the same time I am anxious not to be a disappointment. I am, however, looking forward to a quiet Christmas with my family at the beach - with a decent no alcohol bubbles... any suggestions?!


Love, light, blessings and thankfulness xxx