It's been fun.

Fun to pretend that all is well, and that I don't have this dreaded nastiness hanging over my head (no pun intended).

The break from treatment is over, tonight I begin phase two... a double dose of my chemotherapy pills for 5 days(of which the total cost of the drug is $2520... $168 per pill - thank goodness for subsidies!) per month.  I have been told to expect more nausea and tiredness than last time - but hopefully only for the duration of the drug-taking - maybe a couple of days after.

I got growled at today by my Oncologist... I knew I would.  Last week we had a wonderful send off into the big wide world having finished our three year stint of teacher training, we had a stay-over organised solely by our class, on a Marae in Dannevirke.  It was a fantastic one night, two days of togetherness and a lovely way to finish (not quite, but more on that in a minute).  Unfortunately for me, I burnt my arm quite badly on the Tuesday evening whilst helping to prepare dinner... by Saturday night just gone there was an infection spreading out over my arm so we hot-footed it to A&E for antibiotics... hence the growling (with a smile on his face, so not soo serious)!  He told me I mustn't do 'stupid things' due to the impending immunity-bashing I was about to undertake.  So sorry for accidentally burning myself Dr, how stupid of me...

On the bright side, my burn is looking much better, and the Dr decided not to postpone the treatment (which I had been worried about), on the understanding that if it gets worse when I begin treatment then I need to get back to him ASAP.

I am nervous about this week, another unknown.  I know I was absolutely fine last time with the single dose, but I can't help but approach tonights first dose with some trepidation.

This break has been wonderful, my energy has mostly returned, I've been back to work, back to school, back to exercise and feeling really well.  We've got some work done around the house ready for code of compliance and final sign of due in March, and the garden is coming along beautifully with a handful of strawberries and a few snow peas a day to quench my appetite for fresh produce!

My school has wound up for the Diploma girls, I'm so proud of them all for sticking through it and getting along with each other for the whole 3 years - I have two more assignments to go but will get them done, and I WILL graduate with my girls in Jan/Feb next year.  I am grateful for their support and kindness through what has been a rocky few months, goes to show what an amazing class I was lucky enough to be a part of.  We begin the 10 month degree upgrade in February, and I'll be ready to roll for sure.

As far as 'me' is concerned, I have good days and bad days but don't rely on the 'calm-me-down' pills as I used to... I get anxious about my fate, and am uneasy talking about the future as I really don't know what it will bring for me, or how much it will allow me to have.  I remain thankful for the optimism and positive spirits of those around me, but at the same time I am anxious not to be a disappointment. I am, however, looking forward to a quiet Christmas with my family at the beach - with a decent no alcohol bubbles... any suggestions?!

Arohanui.

Love, light, blessings and thankfulness xxx